Magic: The Simpsons
by Roland Warner
Summary: For lack of a better category, I guess this will have to do. An old Simpsons/Magic the Gathering list I put together, placing Simpson Characters in the Magic Universe. It's been gathering dust on my hard drive for a while! Read and Enjoy


Magic: The Simpsons  
  
New Creature Effects:  
  
Last Strike: Randomly pick card from graveyard at the end of attack phase. That creature's casting cost counts as x. The creature with Last Strike gains +x/+x/.  
  
Bart Simpson GG  
Summon Simpson 2/2  
Bands with any Simpson Character  
First Strike  
1: Put a slingshot token into On Bart Simpson.  
2: Remove a token to do one damage to any character.  
"Why you little!!!" Homer Simpson  
  
  
Homer Simpson 1GGG  
(Picture: Homer Strangling Bart)  
Summon Simpson 5/6  
Bands with any Simpson Character  
Trample  
Rampage: 2  
"Doh!" Homer Simpson  
  
  
Lisa Simpson 1GG  
Summon Simpson 1/2  
Bands with any Simpson Character  
Flanking  
1: Target Creature gains +1/+0 until end of turn.  
"I created the universe, give me the prize!" Lisa Simpson  
  
  
Marge Simpson 2GG  
Summon Simpson 2/3  
Bands with any Simpson Character  
T: Tap target creature  
"Well, better go upstairs and see if the beds are still made." Marge Simpson  
  
Maggie Simpson G  
Summon Simpson 1/1  
T: Destroy Mr. Burns  
"The one who shot me was . . ." Montgomery Burns  
  
Santa's Little Helper 1G  
Instant  
During attack phase, after blocking creatures are declared, flip a coin. If it is heads, all damage is done to owner of blocking creatures. If it is tails, all damage is done to owner of blocking creatures.  
  
  
Snowball 1 2Bk  
Summon Cat 0/1  
Cannot be target of spells  
T: Sacrifice Snowball 1 to destroy target creature.  
  
  
Grampa Simpson G  
(Picture: Grampa Simpson Dressed As A Lady)  
Summon Simpson 1/1  
Phasing  
At the end of owner's upkeep, Grampa Simpson goes to the player with the largest number of permanents in play.  
"See what happened to me while you were away?" Abe Simpson  
  
  
Patty and Selma BkBk  
Instant  
Give Homer Simpson -1/-1 or Give any other Simpson Character +1/+1 until end of turn.  
"Here's a picture of Patty dropping off our film" Selma  
  
  
Montgomery Burns 5C  
Artifact Creature 0/1  
Can never gain banding unless with Waylon Simthers  
If enchantment is placed on Montgomery Burns, pay 1 or Montgomery Burns is destroyed at the end of turn.  
10, T: Destroy Target Creature  
"I could have you killed." Montgomery Burns  
  
  
Waylon Smithers R  
Summon Smithers 2/2  
Bands with Montgomery Burns.  
"What will you be doing on this lovely Friday, Smithers? Something gay I suppose." Montgomery Burns  
  
  
Moe's Bar  
Land  
T: Place target creature underneath Moe's Bar. That Creature cannot leave Moe's Bar until Moe's Bar is removed from play. If creature remains in Moe's Bar for more than five turns, destroy creature when Moe's Bar leaves play.  
"Aw c'mon, try one for Moe." Moe  
  
  
Kent Brockman 2WW  
Summon Reporter 1/2  
All damage done to Kent Brockman is reduced to 0 if Kent Brockman is declared as a blocker. If Kent Brockman is declared as an attacker, it gains first strike.  
  
  
Krusty the Clown 3WW  
Enchantment  
1, T: Tap target Creature. That creature gains +1/+0 until the end of controller's next turn.  
"Hey Kids! Can anyone guess what time it is?" Krusty The Clown  
  
Sideshow Bob 5RR  
Summon Bob 3/4  
5, T: Destroy target creature  
2, T: Destroy Bart Simpson  
1, T: Tap Krusty the Clown until Bart or Lisa Simpson come into play. If Bart or Lisa Simpson are already in play on the same side as Krusty, Krusty untaps normally.  
"It's German for 'The Bart The'" Sideshow Bob  
or  
"Who would want to kill me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!" Bart Simpson  
  
  
Ralph Wiggums 1W  
Summon Ralph 0/1  
1: Target Creature gains -1/-1 until end of turn. During opponents upkeep, for every -1/-1 counter on creature placed by Ralph Wiggums, remove it and place a +1/+1 counter on creature.  
1: Tap Lisa Simpson  
"My cat has fleas." Ralph Wiggums  
  
  
Police Chief Wiggums 2W  
Summon Police Chief 3/2  
Trample  
Last Strike  
"Oh yeah, and what are you going to use, skeleton powers?" Police Chief Wiggums  
  
  
Nuclear Meltdown XBuBuBu  
If opponent does not concede X mana, X amount of land is destroyed. Opponent can tap less than X amount of damage to save that land decided by him.  
"Core Meltdown in 90 seconds"  
  
  
Bill Clinton 3Bk  
Summon Politician 4/5  
If Homer Simpson is in play, remove Bill Clinton from play.  
"Is it noon already?" Bill Clinton.  
  
  
Bob Dole 2B  
Summon Politician 2/3  
If Bill Clinton or Homer Simpson are in play, remove Bob Dole from game.  
Last Strike  
"Bob Dole don't need this." Bob Dole  
  
  
Kodos and Kang 5GGGG  
Enchantment  
Player gains control of all creatures until Kodos and Kang is removed from play.  
"Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos." Homer Simpson  
  
  
Couch  
Land  
T: All Simpsons characters are placed beneath the couch until end of turn.  
  
  
Troy McClure 3GGG  
Socery  
Gains all abilities of one creature in play.  
"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such card games as: 'Rage against the Vampires,' 'The XXX-Files,' 'Magic: The Censored,' and 'Car Trek.'" Troy McClure  
  
Hugo Simpson 3Bk  
Enchant Creature  
Target Creature Hugo enchants gains banding.  
"See, I've been practicing." Hugo Simpson.  
  
McBain 2R  
Summon Movie Star 5/5  
Cumulative Upkeep: 1 life  
Last Strike  
First Strike  
Rampage: 3  
Trample  
  
  
Milhouse Bu  
Summon Milhouse 1/1  
Bands with Bart Simpson  
  
  
Reverse Vampires BkBkBk  
Summon Vampires 3/4  
Phasing  
Last Strike  
For every creature put into graveyard during turn, Reverse Vampires gain -1/-1.  
"Maybe they're all Reverse Vampires" Lisa Simpson  
  
Simpson's House  
Land  
T: Produce five colorless mana.  
  
  
Dr. Hibbard 3WW  
Sorcery  
Target Creature is removed from graveyard and put directly into play.  
"As you can see, we don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is." Dr. Hibbard  
  
  
Dr. Nick 1Bk  
Instant  
Counter Target Spell from Simpson's Expansion Set.  
"Hi Everybody!" Dr. Nick  
  
  
Willy the Janitor 1RR  
Summon Janitor 5/3  
T: Give target creature +3/+2 until end of turn  
  
  
Springfield  
Land  
2: All damage done to any creature from the Simpsons Expansion Set is reduced to 0  
"Springfield, Springfield! It's a hell of a town" Bart Simpson and Mihouse  
  
  
Shellbyville  
Land  
T: Give all creatures -1/-1 counters until next turn when the tokens become permanent +1/+1 counters.  
  
  
Principal Skinner 3BlBlBl  
Summon Principal 3/3  
Last Strike  
2: Give Principal Skinner Vietnam flashbacks which give him 7/7 until end of turn.  
  
  
Barney  
Enchant Creature  
Creature that Barney enchants must go to Moe's Bar if in play and stay there permanently.  
"Don't cry for me, I'm already dead" Barney  
or  
"Bye bye Superman!" Barney  
  
  
Nuclear Power Plant 4BkBk  
Instant  
All tapped lands are destroyed.  
  
  
Lisa's Saxophone 6C  
Artifact  
T: Give target creature brain damage if caster does his or her best imitation of a saxophone. If caster does this, target creature is destroyed and cannot be regenerated.  
  
  
Nelson WW  
Enchantment  
2: Give any creature Last Strike until your turn comes around again.  
  
  
Skinner's Mother 2  
Artifact Creature  
2, T: Principal Skinner becomes useless until Skinner's Mother is destroyed.  
  
  
Reverend Lovejoy 1WWW  
Summon Reverend 4/5  
3, T: Find and recite a bible verse that continously uses the word "begat" in it and do your best Reverend Lovejoy impression. If you do so successfully, give target creature +7/+5.  
  
  
Hank Scorpio 6RRRR  
Summon Scorpio 7/7  
If Homer Simpson is in play, give Hank Scorpio +2/+2.  
4, T: Destroy any creature in play  
7, T: Destroy everything in play and put everything out of play, including the graveyard. Leave decks in play.  
"Homer, it would really help me if on you way out, you could kill someone!" Hank Scorpio  
  
  
James Bond 3GG  
Summon Spy 2/3  
If Scorpio is in play, Bond is useless.  
If Homer Simpson is in play, destroy Bond.  
"You're totally mad!" James Bond  
  
  
Sideshow Mel 2Bl  
Enchant Creature  
Give target creature +1/+3  
  
  
Lemon Tree ?/?  
Summon Wall  
If Shelbyville is in play and Lemon Tree is used as a blocker, both players must fight each other physically to decide if the attacking creature lives or dies.  
  
  
3D World  
Land  
T: Place target creature underneath 3D World where the creature is stuck in Limbo and can not be returned until Limbo is destroyed.  
"I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am." Homer Simpson  
  
  
Jebediah Springfield 3WW  
Instant  
Search through library and put into play any land. If land is Springfield, Jebediah becomes a 3/4 artifact creature with abilities the same as Springfield.  
If Bart is in play, Bart's owner must pay 2 mana per turn or Bart is destroyed.  
"Tell them it's the head of Jebediah Springfield, Bart" Jebediah Springfield's Head  
  
  
Avalanche 3Bl  
Enchant Creature  
Target Creature must remain tapped until opponent is willing to tap X land to remove Avalanche  
  
Ned Flanders 3WWW  
Enchantment  
Opponent must end every sentance he says with a non-sensical phrase like "Okely-Dokely" or Diddly-Doo." If opponent forgets, he or she must loose 5 life for everytime he or she forgets.  
  
  
Martin 1GGG  
Instant  
During attack phase, caster may look in the Encyclopedia and find any question to ask opponent. If opponent cannot correctly answer the question, then opponent cannot declare blockers. If opponent correctly guesses the question, then all damage is done to caster of Martin.  
  
  
Space Mutants 1G  
Summon Aliens 1/2  
Last Strike  
T: Put a -1/-1 counter on target creature. Opponent may tap 2C to remove -1/-1 counter. If counter is removed, deal one damage to opponent.  
"Cool!" Bart Simpson  
  
  
Jimbo Jones 2Bk  
Summon Bully 3/5  
Last Strike  
"Nice Pajamas, Simpson. Did your mommy buy you those?" Jimbo Jones  
  
  
Bobo 2C  
Artifact Creature 1/1  
If Montgomery Burns is in play, tap Burns until Bobo leaves play.  
If Maggie Simpson is in play, give Maggie Simpson +2/+2  
"Beaten, by a child!" Montogmery Burns  
  
  
Itchy and Scratchy 5Bk  
Instant  
All creatures are removed from play.  
"They fight, they fight, they fight fight fight. It's the Itchy and Scratchy Show!"  
  
  
Itchy and Scratchy Land  
Land  
T: Tap any Simpson Creature  
1T: Give target creature Last Strike  
  
  
Stampy 3GGG  
Summon Elephant 5/6  
Trample  
Rampage: 3  
  
  
Bleeding Gums Murphy 3Bk  
Summon Saxophonist 2/3  
2T: Target creature gains banding  
  
  
Marvin Monroe R  
Summon Psychologist 1/3  
3T: All creatures gain a -1/-1 Psychosis token. Creature's owner can remove a token, but the creature will gain +1/+1 for one turn. The next turn, creature gains -2/-2 and so on, moving upwards. On the turn in which the creature looses more power than it already has, that creature regains all power and can regenerate with one colorless.  
  
  
Sherry Bobbins WW  
Summon Nanny 2/7  
If any of the Simpson Family are in play on opponents side, give Sherry Bobbins -1/-1 and Simpsons Characters gain +1/+1 until either Simpsons family or Sherry Bobbins leave play.  
T: Give target creature +4/+4  
"I'm Sherry Bobbins."  
"Did you say Mary . . .?"  
"No, I'm the Norwegan version."  
  
  
Poochie, the Rockin' Dog 1GGG  
Enchant Creature  
Give target creature +0/+0  
(This is intentional to show the uselessness of Poochie to the Itchy and Scratchy show, and now to Magic)  
"I'm Poochie, the Rockinest Dog"  
  
  
Cecil Terwilleger 1RRR  
Summon Terwilleger  
Last Strike  
If Sideshow Bob is in play, tap Cecil and Bob. If Bart is in play, destroy Cecil.  
T: Destroy target wall.  
  
  
Mayor Quimby 1BkBk  
Summon Politician 4/5  
Last Strike  
If opponent gives up four life, he gains control of Quimby and Quimby gains +2/+2.  
2T: Regenerate Quimby  
  
  
Lawyers 3BkBkBk  
Instant  
At the end of attack, if a creature goes to graveyard, then the surviving creature that killed the other creature is put on "trial" in which the first passer-by is declared both judge and jury. The trial must go through the arraignment, hearing, and sentancing phases. Both players become "lawyers" in which the opponent is prosecution and you become the defense. During hearing, evidence is to be brought forward showing both creature's powers and special abilities. During sentancing, the jury renders its verdict of whether or not the attack should be declared legal or not and if so, whether or not the creature killed may go to the graveyard or stay in play, and whether or not the killer can go to the graveyard or stay in play.  
If Lionel J. Hutz is in play, then everything is skipped and you may flip a coin to decide whether or not the creature may go to the graveyard.  
  
  
Lionel J. Hutz 1Bl  
Summon Cheap Lawyer 3/5  
Last Strike  
At the end of your turn, Lionel J. Hutz goes to the side with the largest number of permanents. If lawyer is cast, then Lionel J. Hutz is destroyed at the end of turn.  
"Lionel J. Hutz, Attorney At Law, cases won in thirty minutes or your pizza's free."  
  
  
Satan Bk  
Interrupt  
In the sentancing phase of Lawyers, a coin is flipped. If it is heads, the creatures live. If it is tails, the creatures die.  
"It's always the last one you'd expect." Satan or Ned Flanders, you pick. 


End file.
